I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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