Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
