4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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