dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
