I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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