My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
