party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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