I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
