I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
