We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
