when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
