So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
