I want you more than these girls want KFC
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Did I show you my penis last night?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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