matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
