Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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