Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
