i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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