Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
