Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
