Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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