i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
