What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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