Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize