The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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