you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
