We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
