I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
