Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
50% drunk capacity currently
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize