I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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