Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
