direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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