I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This toilet bowl is my home.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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