I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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