You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
