Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
