I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
