I wish i was in the wii world.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
