She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
