shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
