Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
