I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
