Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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