Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
