im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
