Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
