when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
