please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
