I think I died a long time ago.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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