Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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