On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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