remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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