so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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