he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
