I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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