im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
