Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
