Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize