He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
