my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
