She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
