i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
