The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
