I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
