Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
