The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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