If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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