legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
