Me too!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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