Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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