Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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